Sneak Preview of Episode 000 Pre-Launch
This is a sneak preview YouTube Video of my podcast which launches tomorrow. I published Episode 000 (Podcast Intro and My Story of Hope) tonight.
Yay! Enjoy and share!
Tamara
Transcript
Tamara Anderson 0:00
There are three particular lessons I want to talk to you about today. And one is a lesson I learned after what should have been a deadly car accident. The second lesson and the third lesson, we're both learned by having two of my four children be diagnosed on the autism spectrum. And that has taught me a lot and continues to teach me a lot. And I'm thankful for those lessons, even though sometimes they are really hard at the time.
Tamara Anderson 0:38
Welcome to stories of hope and hard times, the show that explores how people endure and even thrive in difficult times, all with God's help. I'm your host Tamara K Anderson. Join me on a journey to find inspiring stories of hope and wisdom learned in life's hardest moments.
Tamara Anderson 1:02
I am your host Tamara Kay Anderson. And I thought I'd start by introducing myself a little bit here in Episode 000. My reason for doing this podcast is that I have always loved learning from stories. I am an avid avid reader, it gets me excited when I can dive into a book and part of it is my escape from the craziness of my life, but but also there are so many learning lessons that I find in stories.
Tamara Anderson 1:33
And so when I thought about making this podcast, I wanted it to be something where people could learn from other people's stories, because I have a sister, for example, that struggles with Lyme disease. And I remember at one point, we were comparing notes as to what we had learned by me having children with autism, and her having Lyme disease, and oh my goodness, if the lessons we weren't learning, were so similar.
Tamara Anderson 2:00
And so I think it's interesting that God uses different trials in our lives, and in the lives of those around us to teach us very similar lessons. And so my hope is that by listening to the stories of hope of people that have gone through extreme situations, and hit life, detours that have completely derailed them, that by listening to the lessons that they have learned that it might help someone else that is struggling. And so that is my goal is to inspire hope, and you and in your family members, and in your friends. And so if you know somebody that is struggling right now, and that could benefit from this podcast, I invite you to share it with them.
Tamara Anderson 2:50
So the podcast is going to happen every two weeks, it will be released Wednesday morning, twice a month. And the episodes will be anywhere from 35 minutes to about an hour. And you don't have to listen to the entire thing all at once you can be driving to work and listen to part of it, then listen to some of it on the way home or when you're folding your laundry or making dinner or whatever. And that's the beauty of podcasts is that you can listen and find creative solutions wherever you are. And you can listen to them on your computer at home or you can listen to them on your iPod or iPhone or Android device. And they are just super flexible. So that is how frequently the podcasts are going to be. And we're going to interview people from many, many different walks of life that have experienced very, very different challenges. So I hope that you can glean wonderful inspiration and hope and tips and solutions that you can apply in your own life by listening to others tell their story of hope.
Tamara Anderson 4:05
So let's just start off in 2001. My family lived in Southern California and we were getting ready to move from Southern California to Bentonville, Arkansas, quite a move, and quite a ways away from family. We have family in Arizona and California. And we were a little bit nervous and apprehensive about the move. But but we were thankful that we felt good about it as we prayed about it. And so my husband and I were getting ready to go out to Arkansas to look for homes out there and we left our two little boys being taken care of with family. And while we made this trip and on the way to the airport, we were involved in a car accident, just the two of us.
Tamara Anderson 4:47
And it really should have taken our lives. I mean we were going 70 miles an hour and to a dead stop and it was a really scary experience to go through and And I remember first being in a lot of pain, I mean, our seatbelts definitely saved our lives. But the fact that was really happening and it happened so very fast, I remember thinking that that just really happened. And yet I knew it had because I was having a hard time breathing, I punctured a lung and broken my collarbone and had a lot of injuries. My husband was able to get out of the hospital that night with some stitches, and he'd broken his nose and some minor injuries.
Tamara Anderson 5:32
But I was in the hospital for the next week and a half healing, they were trying to get my lung to stay reinflated. And it was having a hard time doing that. So when I was released from the hospital, I went home and and my parents had taken our older son Jordan, to stay with them for the next month. And my husband's parents had taken Nathan Jordan was three at the time, Nathan had just barely turned two. And we came home and we're exhausted. I don't, I didn't realize you could be in your 20s and feel like you were nine years old. I mean, we would literally get up and get ready for the day. And it was so exhausting to do that, that we went back and took a nap afterwards. And I know that sounds so lame. But there was a lot of internal injuries that were still healing.
Tamara Anderson 6:34
And one of the lessons that I learned during this time when I was recovering from the accident, especially after I got our kids back a month later was first of all, I'd always been one of those people that was very independent. And I like to do things on my own. And I also like to serve other people I love serving. But suddenly, I was put in a situation where I could not take care of myself. I could not take care of my children. They are both still in diapers. And I couldn't even change a diaper because my kids wouldn't hold still I don't know how people can change a diaper one handed, especially when my dominant hand was in a sling, because my collarbone was still healing. And so I went from being able to take care of my family and make bread and do fun things with my kids to just barely be able to take care of myself.
Tamara Anderson 7:37
And I had to get help from a young girl came in from our church, a teenager and she helped us in the afternoons to take care of the kids. We had playdates arranged for them in the mornings. And we had people come in and help clean our house, especially as we were getting ready to move. I mean, people went above and beyond both from people helping from my husband's work and from the community, friends and people from church. They just came in, they helped clean, they help take care of us. And what I noticed, at first, it was really, really hard for me to let people come in, but I physically could not do it on my own. And so I had to have help.
Tamara Anderson 8:26
But the lesson I learned the most from that experience was that I learned to love them, by them serving me. And I had never ever considered that side of the equation. I'd always been the one doing the service. And I had learned to love people by serving them. And all of a sudden, I realized that on the receiving end of service, you also learn to love. And so I learned that the cycle of service is a cycle of love. And that was a huge lesson to learn early in my life, because I would need it later on, especially as my children were diagnosed with autism. I am thankful that God taught me that lesson and that we're taught it and of course in the scriptures.
Tamara Anderson 9:22
God teaches us the first great commandment is to love him. And the second is to love our neighbor as ourselves. And I don't think we can learn to love our neighbor as ourselves. Unless first of all, we love ourselves. But second of all, we need to serve others and as we serve others and let others serve us. That cycle of love just starts flowing. And I'm really thankful for that lesson.
Tamara Anderson 9:50
The next lesson I'd like to talk about happened when we had already moved to Arkansas. It was a couple years later about 2005 And at that point, Nathan had been diagnosed with autism and Nathan is low functioning on the spectrum, meaning he doesn't communicate very well verbally. And, and then our third son Jacob, was moderate on the autism spectrum. He could speak but not very clearly at that point. And, and so our oldest was seven, Jordan was seven at that time. And we had just had a little baby girl, she was six months old. And so the three boys and one little girl, and they were a handful, so basically had four children, and only one of them could communicate with me verbally.
Tamara Anderson 10:49
Nathan was kind of our stealth bomber, he was always quiet. Jacob was super, super hyper, his secondary diagnosis was ADHD. And we could barely keep up with him, we really just called him our escape artist, it was our job 24 hours a day to just try to keep him in the house in view. And he was extremely smart, I he could unlock any door, he could climb a fence, he could, I mean, the child was like a spider man, he could climb anything that shouldn't be climbed, get into stuff he shouldn't get into he required 24 hour supervision is very exhausting. Nathan was exhausting in an in a different way. He didn't like to keep clothes on, had a hard time communicating his needs and his wants. And then we added another little girl to the mix. And she was kind of our Oopsie at the end, we had our hands full with the three boys. And when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, oh, no, I don't know if I can handle another child. But she was she was very sweet and very good.
Tamara Anderson 11:58
Anyway, I was living kind of in a state of constant anxiety over a taking care of the needs of my children at that point, and I had even had to hire a teenage girl from church to help me in the summers. Because I physically could not keep up and keep track of all of my children. I guess I learned a little bit from that first lesson that it's okay to let people serve you. But at this point, when I was so exhausted. Kids with autism don't tend to sleep very well. Sometimes Nathan was up at two or three in the morning for the rest of the day. And then I still had other kids to take care of and I had a baby that was still waking up. I was physically exhausted most of the time just running on adrenaline burning myself out.
Tamara Anderson 12:52
And I remember we had just come through the winter of 2004-2005. And it was one of our first spring days. And it was a beautiful day the sun had been shining, it was finally warm enough that you could actually go out and walk. In fact, I looked outside and I saw couples and families from our neighborhood just walking down the street, enjoying that first spring day. And I remember thinking, I want to do that with my family. And so I told my husband when he got home from work, I said, Let's go for a walk tonight. And we did we finished eating and it took us about 30 minutes to get everybody dressed and shoes on.
Tamara Anderson 13:35
And as we were getting another kid dress shoes came off and getting shoes back on putting Jacob in one half of the double stroller so he wouldn't go out or runaway or do anything and putting the baby in the other half and we were finally out the door and I was like yes, we're gonna get in a family walk. It's gonna be fantastic.
Tamara Anderson 13:54
And about halfway down the street. Nathan throws this big tantrum. And he's six at this time. He's six years old, still not potty trained or anything like that. And he just did not want to go on that walk. He was not going to go did the drop leg thing you know that kids do and you're trying to push a stroller and carry kids and and finally my husband just looked at me after Nathan's screaming for a couple minutes and just said, I'm taking him home because it was not enjoyable. So he took him home and I finished the lap around the block with the other three.
Tamara Anderson 14:35
And as I came back to the house and the sun was setting I remember feeling like my mood was setting as well. Thoughts like we can't even go on a walk like a normal family. I would see these families walking down the streets. I'm like, we can't even do that. We have to stay in our house and it felt very felt almost like a prison. And because I had to keep them in there because I couldn't handle them on my own. And I just remember feeling so discouraged. It's kind of that walk as a family or black of walk as a family was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back.
Tamara Anderson 15:18
And I remember just after we got the kids down, falling on my knees, and just pouring all this emotion, out to God, and it wasn't the first time I'd had a heart to heart with God. But it was the first time I think I had just really dumped a lot on him and all these fears and frustrations. And why do we have two kids with autism? Why can't we be a normal family? Why can we even go on walks like a normal family, in the midst of all my blubbering and crying, I finally held still long enough to listen.
Tamara Anderson 16:02
And I remember hearing a voice in my mind, I don't know how else to describe it. But and God told me, "Tamara, this is normal for you." And I remember at the time going, what? And, as he told me that, it was almost like he raised my sights to a higher level. And, and kind of helped me see you've never known any different. These are the children you've been given. And these are the challenges you've been given. And it's normal for you. And that was just a huge eye opener.
Tamara Anderson 16:44
For me, it took it took away the despair, there was a piece about that statement, when when I was told that that I was normal for me that that kind of settled in and replaced all that angst and frustration that I'd been experiencing before. And what God taught me at that point was that, quit looking out your window at everybody else, and comparing yourself to what you're perceiving their normal is, and just look at yourself, this is normal for you quit, quit comparing.
Tamara Anderson 17:19
And I have found that lesson to be immensely helpful, because there have been several times where I've had to relearn it and remember it throughout my life. Because the times when I felt discouraged or sad, was when I was comparing my life and my children and my family to other people's lives, or what I was perceiving as other people's normal lives.
Tamara Anderson 17:48
For example, when Nathan was an elementary school, they would do a class presentation, and the kids would get up and sing and dance. And Nathan would stand off to the side, and he'd flap his arms because he was doing something in his little autism world in his mind. And I remember leading those scenarios almost feeling sad, and discouraged, again, because other people saw their kids seeing and perform and do all these fantastic things. And my child sat off to the side doing this (flapping and stimming). And it was discouraging when I saw them, so close side by side.
Tamara Anderson 18:30
And I had to remember that this is normal for me. And just remember, Nathan is making baby steps of progress. And I'm so proud of him. And I was but I just couldn't see the comparison side by side, it was too difficult for me. And so God has had to remind me of this time and time and time again. And as he has gotten older, and he's almost 20 Now, it has gotten easier, and I don't compare him to other kids his age, it's just, it's not even a fair comparison. And we celebrate little joys, like he's helping to make his lunch now for his school. And, and that is a huge accomplishment for him. And I'm so proud of him. And I know that to most kids that are 20 that wouldn't well maybe for some kids, it would be an accomplishment.
Tamara Anderson 19:30
But, but for Nathan that is huge. And that's progress for him. And so I've had to really learn to internalize this. I'm normal for me and my kids are normal for them and I'm okay with that. And and that hasn't come instantaneously. I think in this world where we we can click and get answers at the touch of a button. It's so easy to get caught up and think that they're instant solutions to everything when most internals solutions and healing take time. And so we need to be patient with ourselves and, and just like it took me years to learn, and I'm still learning to internalize that I'm normal for me, and being okay with that. Just, it's important to be patient with ourselves as we are learning these really tough life lessons.
Tamara Anderson 20:26
A second lesson that I learned from having two kids on the autism spectrum was kind of in that same time period, when we were figuring out that Jacob was on the autism spectrum as well. And kind of I was doing that venting to God again, what one child with autism wasn't enough, we have to have to God and I have kind of a really honest relationship, he gets to hear 100% of what I'm thinking and feeling. And I think that's been a good thing. Because I'm, he loves me no matter what, I ended up venting on him. And he's helped me through a lot of struggles. I've never felt like I couldn't talk to him.
Tamara Anderson 21:11
As I was talking to God about Jacob being autistic, and worrying and stressing about what's this gonna look like 20 years down the road, you know, and worrying about the future, which I've learned. It's not worth trying to figure out the future, because honestly, you don't know what it's gonna contain. And God shows us baby steps day by day. So if you're in that situation where you're trying to, you're worrying so much about the future that it's consuming. You don't just worry about getting through today. That's just one little tidbit of advice that I've learned.
Tamara Anderson 21:46
But going back to that third lesson that I've learned, it was a lesson about true faith. And I remember I was listening to someone talk about, about a situation learning this true faith, and they related the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. And the Old Testament, and at this time, the Jews were held captive under the Babylonians and King Nebuchadnezzar was on the throne, King Nebuchadnezzar had made an idol. And he wanted everybody to bow down and worship it. And Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego would not worship this idol. And they were brought before the king and they were told, if they didn't worship the idol, they were going to be thrown in the fiery furnace.
Tamara Anderson 22:33
And I love I love what they told King Nebuchadnezzar at the time. And I'm in Daniel, chapter three, for anyone that wants to follow along. It says, "If it be so our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of my hand Oh, King." So first of all, they knew that if God delivered them, he had the power to do that. And then here's here's the clincher though this is what shows true faith. It says in verse 18, "But if not, be it known unto thee oh king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou has set up."
Tamara Anderson 23:17
So at this point, I was really, really praying that God would heal my boys, that he would make them well, I knew he had the power to do it, just like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. It says here, knew that God was able to deliver them from the fiery furnace. They had complete faith, and I had complete faith that, that God could heal my children.
Tamara Anderson 23:42
But what I didn't understand was this, but if not Claus, they knew God could save them from that fire furnace. But they also said, but if not, but if he doesn't, we'll still believe and we won't worship your idols. And I remember hearing this talk at this point. And realizing, I could not say that at that moment. I'm gonna get emotional because it was a really hard thing for me to realize. I knew God could heal my kids, but I did not want to say, but if not, I'll be okay that they're not healed. I didn't. I was too stubborn. And I didn't want my life to look like that.
Tamara Anderson 24:33
I had not pictured my life being one where I raised children with special needs. I just had pictured my life completely differently. And this change of expectations was so difficult for me internally, and I don't completely understand why but it just was it I felt like my old dreams and life had been shattered when my kids were diagnosed And I had to kind of build a new life and dream. And I didn't want that new life and dream, I wanted to go back to that old life where it was beautiful and picture perfect.
Tamara Anderson 25:13
And of course, life's not like that. And so I did not understand the but if not clause. And I remember, after I listened to that talk, I remember thinking, I have got a lot of work that I need to do in here. So that I can finally say, God, thy will be done. Because at that point, I was not okay with my kids having autism. I didn't want them to. And I needed to learn better, truer faith, that God knew what He was doing. And that he would help me through every step of the way.
Tamara Anderson 26:02
And so for the next year or so, I, I kept doing things that would bring me close to God and helped me understand what having true faith meant, and that included going to church, even when it was so hard and so awful to keep my kids happy and contented. I didn't get as much out of church back then as I would have liked just because my kids were wild and crazy. I distinctly remember coming to the end of one meeting, and the kids had just been awful. And we had toys scattered everywhere. And my husband took my kids to their little classes. And I was left cleaning up the mess that we had created over the past hour. And I hadn't gotten anything out in church and and I remember somebody came up and said, "Hey, Sister Anderson, how are ya?" And I just remember breaking down and crying because it was so hard to come every week.
Tamara Anderson 27:11
But I'd also started learning a little bit about autism. And I learned that they are very dependent on schedules. And if you can keep them on a schedule and make a schedule that, that flows, that they seem to be happier in that kind of environment where they can predict what's going to happen next. And so I wanted my kids to know that we went to church on Sunday, no matter what, I don't care how big of a tantrum you throw, we are going to church. And so we made it a priority. I kept praying, I kept reading my scriptures, because for many of these years, I felt so empty inside I felt like I was giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, physically, emotionally, day in day out. And I needed I needed some inner nourishment. And so I kept finding ways to get that nourishment and connect myself to God, whether it was by praying, whether it was by reading the scriptures, whether it was by going to church, even when I didn't feel like going or when it was so difficult to go.
Tamara Anderson 28:31
And by continuing to try to serve others even though I was also the beneficiary of a lot of service at that point. And just by doing that, and keeping moving forward. God was able to slowly mold and change my heart. And I, I vividly remember about a year after I'd heard this talk about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Going outside and I have a little bit of a green thumb and I love growing things in my garden and stuff like that. And I remember going out and seeing all the new plants come up and and kind of nurturing them along and and when I was out there, I remember feeling peace. And all of a sudden I realized it was almost like a sudden realization:
Tamara Anderson 29:26
I'm feeling peace. I'm feeling better. That angst that I have felt for years and years about my kids having autism was changed. And I seemed more okay with it. And it was a process. It wasn't something that I immediately came to was something that I grew towards and I think God changed my heart because I asked him to help me with it. Because I knew I wasn't there yet. And Um, I think my prayers were something like, "Help me to someday be able to say, 'I know that you have all power and can heal my kids. But if you choose not to, I'll be okay with it.'"
Tamara Anderson 30:15
And as I was outside in the garden that day, I remember thinking, I'm finally okay with it. And it was a tremendous realization that it had been quite a year, and that I had changed inside, I was finally humble enough to say, Thy will be done. And it didn't come all at once.
Tamara Anderson 30:40
And so if you're struggling with something in your life, like I was in mind, where it's not something you expected, and you don't want to go through it, pray that you'll be able to come to that point that you'll be able to say, this is what I want. But if it doesn't happen, I'm okay with it. And so I'm thankful that God was able to work with a stubborn person, like me, and helped me to learn better and truer faith that he could help me and he did.
Tamara Anderson 31:19
He helped me day in and day out, he helped me at those 2am wakings. When Nathan would not go back to sleep, no matter what we did, he helped me make it minute by minute and day by day. And he helped me find creative solutions that helped me be the kind of mother that they needed me to be. And it did not come all at once. I think that is one of the things that I've learned about God is that He often doesn't give us the solution all at once for all of our problems. It's like he'll give us a glimmer here and, and a glimmer there and we'll find a solution to a problem. Little bits at a time. Sometimes I wish it was more quickly. But it's often not.
Tamara Anderson 32:17
So there you go. Also, during the podcast, we will be inviting people to share their favorite verse of scripture, and mine happens to be in the New Testament, and I'd like to share it with you. It's found in Philippians, chapter four, verse 13. And it says, "I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me." And I love this verse. It is it's my mantra, it really has become my mantra. Because I've, I've had to learn to lean on Jesus Christ to get me through hard things.
Tamara Anderson 32:52
A funny lesson that goes along with that verse is that when we lived in the South, people would always tell me when they were when we were talking and sharing conversations, they would always say, girl, he will never give you more than you can handle. And I remember one day after somebody said that to me, I remember thinking, of course, God has given me more than I can handle. I'm not handling life very well right now. And the realization was that God never gives us more than we can handle with his help. And I love that, because when we try to handle it on our own, we are totally falling apart. And it's when we turn to Him and be strengthened through Christ, like that verse says, in the New Testament, that we can develop those spiritual muscles that we need to handle the situations that were placed in and, and so I'm thankful for that scripture, it, it reminds me to handle things with God, and that I can do those things. I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me.
Tamara Anderson 34:03
I don't know how I would have made it through the many challenges and trials that I've been through in my life without a Savior to lean on. Someone who has literally carried me through some of my trials, some kicking and screaming. And I didn't want to go that way. And some when I was just too weak, to carry on on my own. And so I have felt God's power in my life, as I have continued to rely on him.
Tamara Anderson 34:34
And I hope that we can inspire that kind of hope in others as as others share personal stories of struggles and overcoming despair, so that they have hope again. So there you go. That is stories of hope in a nutshell. And that is my story of hope.
Tamara Anderson 34:57
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today's Show. I know that there are many of you out there that are going through a hard time and I hope you found things that have been useful today, as you listen to the podcast. If you would like to access the show notes from today's podcast, visit my website. It is stories of hope podcast.com. That is where you'll find favorite quotes from today's episode, and shareable memes. And those are fun because you can share them with your friends on social media. You will also find the links mentioned throughout today's episode, so you don't have to remember what those were. And also all the tips that were shared. Sometimes tips are shared so much throughout an episode you forget. What were those great things. So go to the shownotes stories of hope podcast.com to look up these fantastic resources. You know, if someone kept coming to mind during today's episode, perhaps that means that you should share this with them. Maybe there was a story shared or a tip that they really, really need to hear. So go ahead and share this episode with them. May God bless you, especially if you're struggling with hope to carry on and with the strength to keep going when things get tough. Remember to walk with Christ and He will help bear that burden. Above all else, Remember God loves you!
Transcribed by https://otter.ai